Ирония судьбы, или С легким паром 1 серия (комедия, реж. Эльдар Рязанов, 1976 г.)

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MOSFILM Studio Creative Association of TV Films The film is made to the order of
GOSTELERADIO Andrei MYAGKOV Barbara BRYLSKA Yuri YAKOVLEV in Eldar RYAZANOV’s film THE IRONY OF FATE
OR SAUNA BLUES A totally untypical story,
that could have happened only and solely on New Year’s eve. Screenplay:
Emil BRAGINSKY Eldar RYAZANOV D.O.P.
Vladimir NAKHABTSEV Production designer
Alexander BORISOV Music:
Mikhael TARIVERDIEV Songs to poems by
Marina TSVETAEVA Boris PASTERNAK
Bella AKHMADULINA Vladimir KIRSHON
Yevgeny YEVTUSHENKO Mikhail LVOVSKY
Alexander ARONOV Also starring Lyubov DOBRZHANSKAYA
Olga NAUMENKO Lia AKHEDZHAKOVA
Valentina TALYZINA Alexande SHIRVINDT
Georgy BURKOV Alexander BELYAVSKY Lyubov SOKOLOVA
Gotlib RONINSON Moscow suburban villages:
Troparevo, Chertanovo, Medvedkovo
and of course Cheremushki didn’t think,
that they will be immortalized on the same gruesome day, that they will be wiped off
the face of the Earth. The village Cheremushki gave
its name to a new neighborhood, That grew in the South-Western
part of the capital. Nearly every Soviet city nowadays has its own Cheremushki
neighborhood. In bygone days when someone
found himself in a strange city, he felt lost and lonely. Everything around was strange:
houses, streets and life itself. But it’s all different now. A person comes to a strange city, but feels at home there. To think what lengths of absurdity
our ancestors went to, when they designed different
architectural projects! Nowadays in every city you will find a standard movie theatre “Rocket”,
where you can see a standard film. – Do you sell oranges?
– Over there. Everyone come to the fair!
Christmas decorations, fireworks and presents for everyone.
Here, my friends! Names of the streets are
not too inventive either. What city doesn’t have
a 1st Sadovaya or a 2nd Zagorodnaya, a 3rd Factory St., a Park St.,
an Industrial St., or a 3rd Constructors St.?
Sounds romantic, doesn’t it? Staircases that all look the same are all painted with a standard
pleasant color. Standard apartments furnished
with standard furniture, standard locks cut into
blind featureless doors. Zhenya, darling,
I have an unusual proposition. Oh, is that so? I’m scared already. Zhenya, let’s see
in the New Year together. Well of course.
Isn’t that how we planned it? No. You don’t understand.
Let it be just you and me. What do you mean “just you and me”?
I don’t understand. Let’s not go to the Katanyans. But that’s impossible, Galya.
We’ve already made arrangements. They are my friends.
And you’ve already made your crab salad. You know I love crabs! That’s great.
We’ll eat them together. Where will we eat them? You are so slow! We will stay here, at your place. Right here? But what about the Katanyans? Oleg invites me to celebrate at the Ostankino TV
tower restaurant. Give me the top. – It rotates.
– Who? The restaurant. Well if you want to rotate,
then please do. I want to see in the
New Year with you. Really? Let’s do it then! – You are so stupid!
– And who else shall we invite? That’s the point. No one. What do you mean, no one?
And what about my mother? Your mother will go someplace.
She’ll cook everything, lay the table, I’ll help her.
You got a terrific mom. Wonderful idea! How come
I didn’t think about it myself? One of the two has to be more
clever than the other. – It will be you.
– Zhenya, stop it! And what about the Katanyans?
I don’t understand… Oleg invited me to see
in the New Year at a monastery in Suzdal. To hell with Oleg!
To hell with the monastery! I don’t want to go anywhere.
I want to be with you. With me? Excuse me, I’m looking
for the 3rd Constructors St. It’s over there,
behind those tall buildings. – You’ll see a church there.
– Thank you. We will see in the New Year together.
Just you and me. I’ll have one too many… and become brave and bold… And I’ll finally tell you
everything I have to tell you. Znenya! I don’t believe it!
Are you going to propose? After two years of being together… Let’s wait until New Year’s eve,
when the bells chime… Let’s wait… It’s just that I’m afraid
you will never summon your courage. It is the cowardice…
of an old bachelor. You know,
I already proposed to a woman once. To my utter amazement
she said “yes”. But when I imagined, that she will come
to live at my place, and every day… she will flash before my eyes… hither and thither,
hither and thither… I broke down and ran
away to Leningrad. Will you run away from me too? It’s impossible to run away from you. My decision is final an irreversible. I held on for a long
time and finally broke. Zhenya… What do you think,
when do people sing? Sing? When? At street rallies. – Well… Any other time?
– They sing in the opera. They sing when they
have one too many. Stupid! You know when people sing? – When they don’t have
a musical ear? – No. – When they’re happy.
– That’s right. There will be no one in the house, Just the twilight, Just one winter day In the opening of the curtains,
Someone forgot to shut, Curtains, someone forgot to shut. Just damp white snow lumps Swiftly flying by. There’s just the roofs and
the snow, and… Just the roofs and the snow,
And no one else, There’s no one else. And once again the hoarfrost
Will draw its tracery, And like before I will be
caught in the whirlwind Of last year’s despondency,
and the memories of another witer, And the memories of another Winter. But suddenly the curtain shudder
with someone’s intrusion. Measuring the silence with
your soft steps, Measuring the silence,
you will appear like the future itself. You will be standing in the doorway, Dressed in something
white and simple, Like one of those fabrics, Out of which they make snow flakes, Out of which they make snow flakes. There will be no one in the house, Just the twilight. Just one winter day in the opening Of the curtains,
someone forgot to shut, Curtains, someone forgot to shut. – Maria Dmitrievna…
Quiet! Happy New Year! Not so loud, will you! Why? – Who is it, mother?
– It’s just a neighbor, dear. – What’s going on?
– Pavel, come back tomorrow. I’m leaving for Leningrad tonight. Well, bon voyage. What do you think you’re doing? – Mother, who is it again?
– A telegram from aunt Vera. Remember how you taught us boys
to always tell the truth? There are situations
when it’s better to tell a lye. But Misha and Sasha
are waiting for us at the bathhouse. That’s no problem. I’m leaving to Leningrad right after. Why do you have to go to
Leningrad? Irina is there on business,
and I’m flying over to see in the New Year with her.
What’s going on anyway? – It’s a secret.
– What secret? – You’ll find out in due time.
– Zhenya has no secrets from me. Go on, split! Zhenya, I have to go.
I have so much to do! – Galya!..
– What? Galya… The thing is… How do they say that?.. I love you. I want you to marry me. But I will always be flashing before
your eyes. Please do. I want you to. Here’s the key.
Come at 11 to see in the New Year. Shall I bring the salad? The salad? I didn’t understand the main thing:
do you say “yes”? I took the key, didn’t I? And what does that mean? That doesn’t mean anything. See you tonight.
Say good-bye to your mother from me. – I’m worried about the Katanyans.
– Forget it. Mother! Amidst a bustling ball, Suddenly… In the troubles
of the mundane bustle… – I think I’m getting married.
– I think so too. What do you think of Galya? You’re the one
who’s getting married, not me. But you are my mother! I hope you won’t forget it
after you get married. I take it that you don’t like her. Well, I’m not particularly
mad about her, But she’s rather intelligent
and has good manners. I see. If you don’t get married now,
you’ll never get married. I’m already 36… It’s not very polite
to remind me of my age. Even though I take no offense. Get up! Stop it! I’m not offended.
I’m a terrific mom, remember? I’ll cook everything
and go visit a friend. – Where are the goblets?
– I’ll find them. Goblets! They should be here. Moving from one place to another,
you can’t find a thing. They’re not here. There they are! I wonder what she saw in me? She’s much younger than I am. And then, she’s so beautiful! I’m also surprised,
she chose such a dimwit. Dimwit? Did you have to tell her
about Leningrad? When a man proposes to one woman, he doesn’t talk about another. – Oh really? I didn’t know.
– Yes. Now I know everything! Now I know how a man should propose. You windbag! – Who rang the doorbell all the time?
– Pavel. He’s leaving for Leningrad.
I told him to go away. Maybe I could go
to the bathhouse anyway? It won’t do you any harm, If you will see
in the New Year clean. It’s decided. I’ll go take a bath. A bath in every apartment –
that’s the way it should be. This is civilization. – Are you talking to me?
– Yes. But the process of washing yourself, that in a bathhouse acquires
the meaning of a ceremonial ritual, In your bath at home
is just scraping off the dirt. And then this Russian tradition
of wishing “A light steam”. Here’s a refill. Did you ever see steam
in your bathroom at home? Misha is right, a good bath
makes you clean, body and soul. Guys! It’s great here, but I have to go. No, you won’t get away with that. We’re all waiting. What are you waiting for? Aren’t we gonna drink to your
engagement? Here, in the bathhouse? Zhenya is right.
They don’t serve alcohol in a bathhouse. If not for me,
the situation would be hopeless. There you go! No, no, I can’t. Just one shot.
I have to go to the airport. No sweat, guys! Everyone has to be in shape. Why don’t we do it tomorrow!
At my place. I’ll introduce you to my wife. Tomorrow I will be in Leningrad. Go ahead, drink. I wonder what you chose. Not “what”, but “who”! That’s terrible: Vodka after beer. I’m just off a night shift… There, here’s a chocolate bar.
Something to chase it down with. All right, just one shot. Pavel, your toast. You are the most eloquent of us. – And you – the least intelligent.
– Thank you. Here’s a oast… To Zhenya Lukashin. No, seriously. The most bashful one of us, who finally overcame his shyness
and decided to get married. The last one of us. Zhenya, now the serious part.
Be happy! – Be happy, Zhenya.
– This calls for a drink. This is serious. Listen, what’s her name? She has a beautiful name. Galya. And what’s more, an uncommon one. Guys, we have no choice. Here’s to Galya! To Galya bottoms up! Galya, be happy! You bastards! I had a night shift… Not cold enough! Tell us how you met. It’s a long story. She came to my outpatients clinic. Is she sick? No. She had a dislocation. A kink! Well that explains
why she is marrying you. Let’s drink to them both
being healthy. Where do you get those bottles from?
Put it away! My wife asked me
to buy some for tonight. If we go on at such pace, I have good chances
of missing my plane. Pavel, trust me. I never get drunk. Give me your ticket. It’s definitely bad for my health! She’ll think I’m an alcoholic! That’s unheard of!
A doctor refuses to drink to good health. Why did I have to come here! Now tell us how you met her. Are you asking me? Who with? Galya. Or is there someone else? No, there’s no one. I’m single. – What to?
– Let’s drink to bachelors. To unmarried life! Hip-hip-hurrah! You can’t miss this one! It’s all the same to you! But I can’t imagine
what’s going to happen to me, if I maybe come home in time
to see in the New Year. People, I have a very
important toast. You’ve had enough.
You’re getting married, remember? I haven’t forgotten. If you do, I will remind you. Guys, let’s drink to our friendship. That’s a good boy! Good speech!
You’re a natural born orator. Give me some space. Let’s weigh ourselves “Brudershaft”. What will the two of us
weigh together? Guys, I have a lyrical
romantic toast. That’s enough!
We have to go to the airport. – What for?
– One of us is going to Leningrad. – Let’s go!
– Let’s fly! Fasten your bed-sheets!
Prepare for takeoff! Down below, under the wing sings the green see of the Taiga. Down below, under the wing sings the green see of the Taiga. Attention all passengers,
boarding TU-134, flight 392,
en route from Moscow to Leningrad. All passengers please proceed
to the departure gate. – I think that’s our flight.
– I think you’re right. Do you remember,
which one of us is flying? No. Wait, trust me. – Let’s appeal to common logic.
– Let’s. – Are you flying to Leningrad?
– No. Me neither. Flight No 392 to Leningrad
boarding now. Can Pavel be flying to Leningrad? He can. What about Zhenya? He can too. They both can. Shall we cast lots? Let’s not give ourselves
into the hands of chance. When in the bathhouse,
what did we drink to? Lukashin’s health. Because he’s getting married. – You’ve got an amazing memory.
– Later. That means,
Zhenya is flying to Leningrad, to attend his own wedding. And he would say so himself,
if he wasn’t that tired. Wait! He said he met his fiancee
at his outpatient clinic, when she came to see a doctor. I will answer you. What does that mean? Than means, she was in Moscow on
a business trip. Iron logic. Boarding Aeroflot flight 392 en route from Moscow to Leningrad
completed. Careful! – Where are you taking me?
– To meet your happiness. Wait! It’s a good thing
we washed him. Attention! Flight 392 from Moscow has just landed. – Careful!
– What did I do to deserve this? Flight from Moscow has just landed. I’m cold! Damn! You shouldn’t drink so much. Pavel! Attention all passengers
flying to Krasnoyarsk. Your flight is delayed until 12 p.m. due to bad weather in Krasnoyarsk. What time is it? 2 hours 50 minutes to go until the
New Year. Watch yourself, young man! – Where am I?
– Same place I am. – And where are you?
– At the airport. It’s bad weather in Krasnoyarsk. At worst I’ll see in the New Year
in this armchair… And at best? Also in an armchair, only in the air. Have you ever seen in
the New Year in the air? No. And I don’t want to. Me either. But what can I do? – Who are you?
– I’m a human being. We saw Pavel to the airport,
and now I’m going home. Very well, all the best. – Happy New Year.
– Same to you. Drop the familiarities. Don’t you think it’s too early,
young man? You free? – Yes. Where to?
– 3rd Constructors St., 25, apartment 12, 4th floor. I don’t care if it’s the 5th! Taxi! Let me out of here! People! Happy New Year! Home at last! I’m home. “There will be no one in he
house…” And who are these people here?
You’re not afraid of me? Careful! I fell through. Thank you. Go ahead… Only after you… You won’t bite me, will you? Going up. Come visit me. It’s apartment 12. “Jim, give me your paw for
happiness”. – Come on. He doesn’t want to! Happy New Year to you! Dogs walking around! Mother! Careful, careful… Hold the elevator, please! Hey!.. Wake up! Do you hear me? Wake up this very minute! Get up! Are you dead or alive? All right!.. Wake up now! Do you hear me? Get up! What are you doing here? Don’t jolt me! I want to get some sleep. Who are you? How did you get here? Stop jolting me! Get up! – You’re hurting me!
– Get up this very minute! Stop disturbing me! Unbelievable! All right, you asked for it! I warn you for the last time. Oh, that feels good!
Can I have some more? I’m sailing away! What is this? What are you doing? It’s wet!
Are you crazy? Have you all gone mad? I’m not a flower-bed. Who are you? What’s going on here? Get out of here now! This is unheard of! – What are you doing here?
– I was sleeping. What? What do you want? Stop playing the fool! – Why?
– What are you doing lying here? Get out this instant! Now! What a boor! It’s not enough
that you broke into my flat, but you behave like a gangster! What is this? – Your flat?
– That’s right, I live here. – Then where do you suppose I live?
– I don’t know. And I don’t care. That’s outrageous! For your information my fiancee
will be coming any minute now. I don’t want her to see you here. How come your fiancee
will be coming to my place? It’s a bad time for jokes!
My head’s splitting! What time is it? My god, it’s nearly 11 p.m.!
I’m expecting guests. And you presence
here is not at all welcome. How come your friends
will be coming to my place? I’m thirsty! Are you crazy? W
hy do you behave so outrageously? Listen to me! Get a hold of yourself.
Where do you think you are? At home. 25, 3rd Constructors St… Oh no! I live at 25, 3rd Constructor St., Apartment 12. Oh no, darling. Shoo! Stop being a nuisance! I live here with my mother.
32 meters of space. No, me and my mother occupy
these 32 meters of space. Congratulations!
Can’t say we have very big apartments. Very sharp observation. Who wrapped me
in this thing anyway? I will be much obliged, if you would evaporate
this very minute. Don’t jolt me around!
I want some respect! Mother! Mother left. I’ll kill you! – Whose mother left?
– Thank god, we have different mothers. Really? Pardon me… And both mothers left? I have a feeling, one of us is nuts. I know which one it is. Yes, me too. Are you hinting at me? Madhouse! Why did you move my cupboard? It stands exactly where they put it. It is my Polish furniture set. – 830 Rubles.
– And 20 extra. I paid 25. That’s your business. My god! I must be hallucinating! And above all you stole our family
screen! Why did mother put someone else’s
plates on the table? At last you are beginning
to see things clearly! What is there to see? You broke in,
rearranged the furniture… Changed the plates. What did you with my chandelier? Took it to a pawn shop. What for? Where am I? 25, 3rd Constructors St. Apartment 12. That’s right, that’s my address.
I swear it is! But somehow I have a feeling,
that I’m not at home. It’s settled then! You can leave now. I can’t go anywhere
looking like that. – My dress!
– Don’t strip me! – Give me back my coat!
– You tread on my foot! That’s outrageous!
It’s my flat and I’m registered here! – Your flat?
– Yes, and my mother’s! – I’ll show you my passport.
– You sot! Boor! Where’s my jacket? – How do I know?
– Who knows then? It’s grey with a striped pattern… I bought it at Mostorg. Here it is, there’s my little jacket. I’ll show you where I live.
Breaking into people’s… There you go… Apt. 12, 25, 3rd Constructors St.,
Moscow. There you go. An official document. Now would you please leave. All right, I’ve had enough. – What is it?
– Moscow! That’s right, Moscow. – Is that so?
– What do you mean? You think you’re in Moscow? And where do you think I am? Now I see… Any objections? In Moscow, darling,
in the capital. Wait… What do you want there? Stop rummaging about
through my things! – There.
– What did you take this out for? What is this? Apt. 12, 25, 3rd Constructors St.,
Leningrad. What? Are you hinting,
that I am in Leningrad? – Exactly.
– What do you mean “exactly”? In Leningrad. How did I get here? You poor thing. – We went to a bathhouse.
– Glad for you. – And now leave.
– I have nowhere to go. Don’t swing your arms about! Do you mean to say
I am in Leningrad right now? I am here? In the city on the Neva river? I remember everything clearly. We went to the airport
to see Pavel off. Before that we went to take a bath. That means,
I flew away instead of Pavel? – You have to stop drinking.
– I don’t drink at all. It was an accident. So I’m in Leningrad! That’s terrible! My Galya is in Moscow, and here I am,
sitting on the floor in Leningrad. God, I wish at least
it was some other city. Don’t… What’s going on there? Please don’t open it! If you don’t open right away,
you’ll make it worse. For your information, it’s him! Who’s he? Don’t open it!
I have to put my pants on. – Hello, darling.
– Hello. Happy New Year, Nadya. Give me your coat. – How was your trip?
– Don’t even ask! The roads are slippery with ice. You ought to be careful.
You are such a daredevil. Thank you, Nadya. If you only knew how I missed you,
darling. I couldn’t wait to see you myself. Thank you, dearest. I prepared a New Year
present for you. Thank you.
I have a present for you too. Only it’s in the room. Ippolit, I have to tell you
something. You won’t believe it. You’ll die of laughter! I come home, and on my sofa… I find a stranger. I couldn’t wake him up. I pored water over him from a teapot. – So I see…
– Please, I beg you! – Happy New Year.
– Behave yourself. Please! A nice present. Thank you. Just let me explain.
She has nothing to do with it. It’s all my fault. I would like to know something. Yes, please. – Who is he?
– I don’t know him. He’s a perfect stranger. A stranger… How did he get here? By an incredible coincidence. He also lives at 25, Constructors St. Apartment 12.
Only in Moscow. In Moscow! – What is that?
– Those are my pants. Careful, you’ll rumple them. He went to a bathhouse
with his friends, had a drink… – Look at him.
– I will, in due time. And they put him on board
an airplane, by mistake. Where? In the bathhouse? No, there are no airplanes
in a bathhouse. I’m not talking to you! Tell him,
we were taking a bath with Pavel. Will you shut up! From the bathhouse they went
straight to the airport. To see Pavel off. – To see Pavel off.
– So Pavel is here too?! No, there’s no Pavel.
I’m here instead of him. So you expected Pavel, but instead came this character? She expected no one! I expected no one. – It was a mistake.
– They registered him as luggage? What luggage?
Or maybe I don’t remember. I will explain everything.
Only first I have to get dressed. Will you hold this for me. I will get dressed
and explain everything. – He is so ugly!
– Absolutely disgusting! That is a matter of taste.
I haven’t done anything to you. – How did he get into your bed?
– By accident. I beg your pardon, lady. What is your name? He was in your bed,
but he doesn’t know your name! Stop pushing me! Ippolit, wait! Something fell on me! If he knew what my name was,
would you stay? – Stop it!
– Please stay! I don’t know his name either.
I never saw this man before! Now I believe you.
The modern morals! Why are you dropping me
all the time? I hurt my shoulder. I am leaving now. Let us not ruin the evening. Don’t make me answer for something I haven’t done. Some debauchee
broke into my apartment! I’m not a debauchee, I’m a doctor. Supposing he got
to Leningrad by mistake, And he has the same address. – But why did you let him in?
– I didn’t! You’ve got to believe her!
I came in myself. – My key fit.
– You gave him the key? She didn’t. Jesus, you’re stupid! Stop pushing me around.
Some pushy people. Why don’t you believe me? Why don’t you believe us? I find this character
as disgusting as you do. Right now I find myself
disgusting too. I’m sorry. Good bye. The house looks just the same. Excuse me,
how do I get to the airport? Bus No. 30 stops round the corner. – Is this really Leningrad?
– You shouldn’t drink so much. Please don’t be sulky with me. And don’t be jealous. If I fall in love with someone,
you will be the first to know. “Don’t be jealous”. I’m not angry with you,
but you have to understand me too. – Here I come to you, and I see…
– I understand. I understand very well. I’d kick up a row myself,
if I were in your place! The fact that he appeared
in your house is typical of you. – Why is that?
– You are sloppy. Don’t say anything.
You are disorganized. He would hardly show up at my place. I wouldn’t be surprised
if you hadn’t found him at all. Who cares what rags
are lying about the place! You’re right.
I didn’t see him at first. Real French perfume! – It’s so expensive!
– It’s nothing. – I have a present for you too.
– Not another one? Here. An electric shaver,
the latest model. Nadya, you didn’t have to! With sliding blades. It’s too expensive. I follow your example. I forgot to put on my evening dress! I won’t be long. Don’t peep! You shouldn’t drink so much! You shouldn’t drink so much! It becomes you. I’m glad you like it. Very much. Let’s see out the past year. It was the year I met you. And I met you. It is my favorite holiday! Nadya… Yes? Nadya, darling, I have a… I have a favor to ask. Here… I love it when you sing. It’s just that you are not impartial
towards me. You bet! You bet I’m not impartial! It’s been many years now,
that along my street I hear footsteps.
Those are my friends leaving. The slow lingering
sound of my friends’ footsteps Are absorbed by the darkness outside. Oh, loneliness,
you are so harsh on me. Flashing your iron compasses, Cold-bloodedly
you close the circle, Paying no attention
to useless pleas. Let me rise on tiptoe in your forest, At the other end
of the slow motion, Find fallen leaves
and bring them close tom my face, And take my loneliness as A bliss. Give me the silence
of your libraries, The austere music of your concerts, And I’ll be wise,
and I will forget all those, Who passed away,
and who are still living. And I will get to know
wisdom and sorrow, Objects will reveal their hidden
meaning to me, Nature leaning toward my shoulders Will open its childish secrets. And only then from out of tears
and darkness, From out of the poor ignorance
of the past The beautiful faces of my friends Will flash for an instant,
to dissolve again. The beautiful faces of my friends Will flash for an instant,
to dissolve again. – To whose poem is that written?
– Akhmadulina. What do you want? – Salad or roast beef?
– Salad… And roast beef. Nadya, listen to me… Tonight, on the last night
of the year I intend to put the question point-blank. I think we have to get this unmarried
situation over and done with. What do you think? I think it is a wonderful idea. Only on one condition:
that you will not be jealous of me. You see, I’m not that young
anymore, and I feel… Who is that? I haven’t the slightest idea. Excuse me! I beg your pardon. I’m sorry, I wouldn’t dream
of using my own key. What is it you want now? You see, it so happens… I don’t know anyone in this city,
except you. And I have no money. Not a copeck, as it appears. And they won’t sell me a ticket
without money. Could I borrow 15-16 Rubles from you? I’ll send you the money
first thing tomorrow. Through wire transfer. Looks like I will have to pay you
to leave us alone. Please do. And now I ask you as a man:
What were you doing here? – Here?
– Yes, here. For God’s sake, calm down.
I will explain everything. You see, we have this tradition. Every year on December 31 me
and my friends go to the bathhouse. We wash ourselves.
It’s been many years now. After that Pavel was to go
to Leningrad. And I was planning
on getting married. To whom? To whom? That’s not the point now. In the bathhouse we had a drink. To my fiancee, to me. Are you an alcoholic? No, I don’t drink at all. I drink tea, coffee, liquid yogurt,.. soft drinks, water… – Nadya? please.
– Don’t overdo it! I am absolutely calm! After the bath
we went to the airport. Then we had some more to drink,
but that part I don’t remember. I think they must have put me on
that plane instead of Pavel. I swear to God! – It’s as simple as that.
– Yes. And very truthful. – What did you do in the plane?
– I flew. – Flew?
– Sleeping. I slept… Supposing you don’t remember
how you got on that plane. But you have to remember
how you got out of it. Yes! I have to. But I don’t. But I do remember
that I came here by cab. I said my home address,
and the driver brought me here. Supposing the key fit. Nadya, please… Supposing the key fit,
the address was the same, but you had to notice,
that the furniture was different! It’s the same! But there’s a mess here,
because the people have just moved in. We’ve also just moved in!
Me and my mother. That’s enough!
Here’s 15 Rubles, now leave. You don’t know how grateful I am,
friends! You have to pay for your pleasures. I can’t leave
without kissing you good-buy! You could have at least
waited until I leave. – Ippolit, wait!
– Who do you take me for, an idiot? Ippolit! – What did you tell him?
– The truth. What truth? Would you please help me
to my feet. I wore myself out with you folks. I told him, we go to this bathhouse. On December 31.
It’s a tradition we have. We wash every year. That’s exactly what I told him. Please don’t cry. I’ll go get him. Ippolit! Wait, don’t leave! Ippolit! Sorry, I don’t know
your patronymic. Wait! Don’t leave! Wait! Don’t bee a fool! Be a man, for Christ’s sake! He left. He drives faster than I run. Here, take your 15 Rubles. Thank you,
I’ll wire the money tomorrow. I hate you. You ruined my life. He will come back, believe me.
You’ll see. The hot-tempered and the jealous
don’t bear grudges for too long. If you only knew,
how well I understand you. My situation is even worse. A woman is waiting for me
in Moscow in an empty apartment. The woman I love. And here I am, in Leningrad. And? She doesn’t know where you are? No, she must be hysterical. – Call her.
– I don’t have a telephone card. Call credit. Through the operator. You are a sympathetic person. – Do you mind if I take my coat off?
– Whatever. Thank you. Operator! Happy New Year! I need to make a phone call. To Moscow. Number in Moscow? 454-60-21. Who will answer? Galya. That is, if she answers. In Leningrad? One moment please. Stay there! – What is your number?
– 14-50-30. Operator! 14-50-30. When? Can you make it faster? She said, within an hour. Oh, God… I’ll wait on the landing, and you
will call me. Or you can explain everything
yourself. And I’ll go. Oh no, you sort out your own
problems. 2 minutes to go before the New
Year. Open the Champagne. It’s in the fridge. No luck again. It’s just not my day! I’m sorry. Happy New Year. What’s your name? Nadya. I’m Zhenya. Happy New Year, Nadya. Same to you. What a good beginning of a new
year. Couldn’t be better. That’s true. There is an omen: You will live through the new year
the same way you see it in. What doctor are you? I’m a surgeon. And what are you? A teacher. I teach Russian and literature. Literature – that’s wonderful. I have to find out, when’s the first
flight to Moscow. – How do I do that? – There’s a
telephone book over there. Hello? Operator? Happy New Year. When is the first flight to Moscow,
please? That’s the first one? It’s at 7 a. m. Nadya, don’t worry. I’ll leave as
soon as I talk to Galya. I’m beginning to think, you will
never leave here. Please don’t worry. Everything will be fine. There’s Moscow now! Moscow?! I think it was Ippolit. – Who?
– Ippolit. Why did you have to pick it up? Who
asked you to? How was I supposed to know? I
thought it was Moscow. I’m terribly sorry. Hello! Hello! Leningrad? I’ll answer it! Hello? Yes, Moscow. Moscow? Hello! Would you please. – Galya, darling, it’s me.
– You are in Leningrad? Thanks for calling anyway. Galya, Happy… Happy New Year. You called to wish me a Happy New
Year? – Not only that.
– I’m touched. I will explain everything. Wait till you hear this incredible
story. You won’t believe it. I was so worried, I called all city
hospitals and morgues. And you simply ran away from me. I love you very much. Now I understand why you told me
about Leningrad. This is a different story. It has nothing to do with you. Every year on December 31 my
friends and I go to a bathhouse. It’s an old tradition. There’s nothing more to talk about. You can check. My number is
14-50-30. I’m taking the first flight to
Moscow. No need to be in a hurry. I’ll leave the key on the table. No, please! Don’t leave it! That’s for me! Don’t answer it!
Galya! 3 minutes? Thank you. Well, that’s it. I don’t have a fiancee any more. No big deal, you’ll find yourself
another one. Another one? What do you know
about it? All my life I’ve been looking for the
right woman. I was never married. And now finally when I found her… Why are you raising your voice at
me? I’ve had enough of your stupid
advice. Don’t forget, you are at my place. The hell with your stupid apartment! Together with your stupid Otello! Impudent boor! You are a boor. Well if I am a boor, you are… What am I? Get out! I’m not going anywhere. – The flight is at 7 a.m.
– Then I will leave. Good riddance! I’m hungry as hell. – Oh no you don’t!
– I’m hungry! You know, you’re a genuine
termagant. One more word, and the next plate
will crash into your head. Your Galya left you. And she did the right thing. Now she will find a man worthy of
her. – What?
– What about? You don’t object? Nothing you can say to that? No, it’s just that I’m afraid of the
next plate. And you are right. That’s Ippolit. Jump off the balcony. I’m not an idiot to fracture my legs. Happy New Year, Nadya! We were in the neighborhood and
decided to drop by. We left my husband downstairs. – He would sit for ages.
– It’s not easy to get rid of a man. Where is he? Show us. There he is. In all his glory. Valya. Tanya. Dear Ippolit Georgievich! – We are Nadya’s friends.
– We work in the same school. She’s been hiding you from us. We came here to wish you
happiness. We want you to know what a
wonderful person she is. Everyone loves her: colleagues,
parents and even children. She is sympathetic. She is socially active and hangs in
the Hall of Fame. I’m not the one… Don’t listen to him! Please sit down. – Call your husband.
– We don’t want to interfere! There’s nothing to interfere into. We
hardly know each other. What’s your patronymic? Vasilyevna. I’ve known Nadezhda Vasilyevna
since 11 p.m. Ippolit, stop fooling around. That’s
enough. Let him make jokes. He’s good at it. But I am not Ipppolit. I like your attitude to one another. The attitude is rather complex. You need a towel, it’s going to shoot
out. I will be careful. Well, friends, here’s to your happy
married life! Thank you, I’m not drinking. – No, no, I won’t.
– Yes you will! – Have you all gone mad?
– Bottoms up! – Well, you have to kiss now!
– Kiss her! I object! I won’t let you make a
laughing-stock of me! Get away from me! I don’t want to
kiss you! Let go of me! You have to explain
everything to them! Nadya, Nadya, what are you doing? And even now I still insist, I’m not
Ippolit. Ippolit Georgievich, Do you like to listen to her singing? I don’t know, I never heard her sing. – You never sang to him?
– That’s an inexcusable mistake. – I don’t like amateur singing.
– It’s not amateur. Give us our favorite – “Carriages”. The train starts off for
Tikhoretskaya. The carriage sets off, And the
platform stays behind. The brick wall, The station clock, White shawls, White shawls, White shawls waving, White shawls, Sad eyes. Passengers in the smoking
Compartment try to worm My past and present out of me, I’ll feed them a load of lies,
Let them wonder, But who I said good-bye to,
Who I said good-bye to, Who I said good-bye to,
Who I said good-bye to Is none of your business. A sailor in a stripped vest
Will open his soul to me, He’ll tell me about his hard Living, He’ll get off at the next station
And wave good-bye, The carriage will set off,
The carriage will set off, The carriage will set off, The carriage will set off,
And he will stay back. The train starts off
for Tikhoretskaya, The carriage sets off,
And the platform stays behind, The brick wall,
The station clock, White shawls,
White shawls, White shawls, White shawls,
Sad eyes. Never heard anything like tha before. Guys, I’m enjoying myself! Lets go, my man must be
cold out there. Nadya and Ippolit, be happy! I’m tired of denying it.
I’m not Ippolit. All the happiness in the world!
Nadya, let me kiss you. We’re off! A good man, serious and reliable. God bless you! Happy New Year! Why did you do that for? Did you have to harp on
like a parrot: “I’m not Ippolit! I’m not Ippolit!” Did you expect me to tell them
about the bathhouse, so that tomorrow
the whole school would know, that I spent the New Year’s eve
with some rogue? I’m not a rogue. I’m a miserable person. As if a miserable person
can’t be a rogue. How do you intend
to produce the real Ippolit? Most likely there will be
no real one. Why do I have to comfort you
all the time? Why isn’t anyone comforting me? My situation is much worse.
At least you are at home. – But it is all your fault!
– It was an accident. I’m a victim of circumstances myself! You mind if I eat something? Help yourself.
There’s so much food. I hate to through it all away. I haven’t eaten anything
since last year. Tastes good! – Did you make that yourself?
– Well of course. Wanted to produce an impression. And you succeeded. I mean to say, I am a gourmet. And I hate to cook. With my lazy-bones I hardly have
any time for cooking anyway. – You teach them?
– Yes. And they teach me. I try to teach them to think. If at least a little. And have a personal opinion
about everything. – Can I have some more?
– Of course. – What do they teach you?
– I guess, the same thing. This is not fish.
This is anything but fish in aspic. This is… It needs some
horse-radish to go with. And I represent the most
conservative of all professions. We can compete there. No, I’m serious. With us it is dangerous
to have a personal opinion. What if it’s a wrong one? Doctors’ mistakes
are extremely costly. Teachers’ mistakes
are not that obvious, But in the end
they are no less costly. Maybe you’re right. Still you and me have the most wonderful and the most needed jobs
in the world. Not judging by the salaries. That’s right. When your friends were saying
all these good things about you, God knows why I felt proud. No use wheedling. By the way, unlike you,
your friend noticed, That I’m a reliable serious person. You didn’t break into her house. That’s true,
I didn’t break into her house yet. What an unusual way
to see in the New Year. If we ever meet again, by chance, I think we will laugh ourselves
to death. Well, it wasn’t funny, when I first saw you
sleeping on my sofa. What about me? Imagine me waking up at home and seeing a strange woman,
who pours water over me. And crying: “Get out of here!” I cried back: “Get out yourself!” I was so indignant,
I didn’t know what to do. Who is this man? If he’s a thief,
then why did he go to sleep? He got tired and went to sleep
in the home, he had just robbed? You know, I didn’t like you at first. And you looked utterly disgusting! I can imagine! Shall I open it? End of Part One. MOSFILM studio THE IRONY OF FATE, OR SAUNA BLUES Part Two Imagine me waking up at home
in my own bed, and seeing some strange woman
pouring water over me. I shout at her:
“You get out of here!” And I say:
“No, I won’t! You get out yourself!” “Get out of my house!” I was so indignant,
I didn’t know what to do. Who are you? If you’re a thief,
then why did you go to sleep? A thief that went to bed in the
house, he had just robbed? You know, Nadya, I didn’t like
you at first. I really hated you! And you looked disgusting!
Utterly disgusting! I thought you were
a real termagant! Nadya, forgive me. I was wrong.
I got a little worked up. It’s OK. It’s a good thing
you came back. Really? – Thank you.
– I thought you will never come back. Let me take your coat. Come in. – He’s still here?
– I couldn’t turn him out into the cold! The first flight is only
at 7 in the morning. He could spend the night
at the airport. Not a big deal! Sit down. – I see you had dinner.
– Didn’t make sense to stay hungry! Music… Well that’s cozy.
I like that! – Why don’t you join us?
– Join you? Thank you very much. – Don’t pick on words.
– Can I talk to you for a minute? Please, just one minute. Let’s call a taxi and let him
bugger off to the airport. On New Year’s night a taxi
won’t come before morning. Then let him walk. – Walk to the airport?
– Yes, walk to the airport. So far away? Now you’re starting to feel
sorry for him. Even my boundless patience
has its limits. Mine too. Maybe there was something
between you? You ought to be ashamed of yourself! I’m not talking to you! If you love a woman,
you have to trust her. Nadya, bring this character to order. She is a wonderful woman.
As a person. She is intelligent.
She cooks well. I ate! Bring him to order,
or I don’t know what I’ll do! She’s tactful.
Above all, she’s beautiful. – I’ll kill him!
– You have to apologize to her! – What are you doing?
– And you? Ippolit, stop it! Bastard! I’ll show you! All I need is a fight here! Apologize to her! You! I can’t stand familiarities! You are defeated! Zhenya, stop it! We have to see, who’s defeated
here! You’ll break my arm! I’ll break it, I’ll fix it! – Zhenya!
– So he’s already Zhenya for you! What do you expect her to call me?
Vasya? Let go of my arm! Will you stop it! Apologize! That’s enough! Get off me. I didn’t want to beat him up.
He started it. Now leave, both of you! Both of you! Well, if that’s what you want! I’ll remember this New Year for
as long as I live. Please do.
Do me a favor, try not to forget it. – Please.
– No, no, after you. – Be so kind as to leave here.
– I’m in no hurry. Stop playing the clown! Tanya, I’ll come to your place. No, nothing happened. I’ll explain later. All right, then you drop by. – Which way are you going?
– That way.. – Then I’m heading this way.
– We go in different directions. – Well, well…
– She threw you out. She threw both of us out. Let’s stay outside then.
I have plenty of time before my flight. And today’s my day off. – Can’t say it is warm.
– Yes, rather cool. I’ve noticed, your underwear
is not fit for winter. You’ll get pneumonia and –
farewell… – Farewell?
– A lethal outcome. And your boots have thin soles. – So we’ll die together then.
– I don’t intend to die. I can go sit in the car. Ippolit Georgievich,
what are you thinking about? I don’t have to account
for my thoughts. Somehow I can tell,
you’re thinking about me. Yes, I am thinking about you,
adventurer. You have no respect for anything. People like you always pry
into other people’s affairs. They believe in impulse,
not in common sense. You are uncontrollable! Your actions are guided not by
reason, but by unruly passions. You constitute social danger. What a flattering description. – What are you thinking about?
– Hot tea. How about frankness in exchange
for frankness. All right. People like you are always right, because you live the right way. According to instructions. But that is your weak point. You’re not capable of acting on
an impulse or doing great things. But you can’t fit life into
a perfect scheme. – That’s it!
– What? I have to return. I forgot my bag. – You did that on purpose!
– Why did I have to freeze out here? I’ll get your bag for you. I don’t trust you. I have
an expensive birch switch in it. – Why did you go to the bath?
– You won’t understand. Hello! Moscow? Galya? Yes. Can I speak with Lukashine? He left for the airport. Just a stranger. Tell me, how did he end up
at your place? I’ll explain everything. Last night Zhenya
went to a bathhouse. What are you talking about?
He has a bath at home. It’s a tradition they have. Every year he and his school
friends… You’ve known each other for
many years? No, we met several hours ago. My home address
is the same as his in Moscow. Apt. 12, 25, 3rd Constructors St. And he came here thinking,
it was his home. So you know his Moscow address. Please… Calm down. Don’t order me about. – Let me help you.
– I don’t want any help from you. My hands are cold. It’s as simple as that. You crook. No, you got the wrong idea. Galya, don’t hang up, please. Zhenya is a very good man,
a very kind one. I must admit, I envy you, Galya. Yes, I do like him a lot. You must forgive him. Why are you defending him? Are you married? What does that have to do with it? You’re not then. So he flew to Leningrad
to see in the New Year with you. – How old are you?
– Not very young. – Your last chance?
– Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Me? Ashamed? I didn’t steel your fiance. Galya, you got it all wrong! You are a vamp. In the end at the last moment
he’ll dump you too. I’m sorry. I’m terribly sorry, but I left
my bag with the birch switch. Galya called. Galya? How did she find out the number? Oh yes, I told her myself.
And you have a simple number. I tried to explain everything,
but she didn’t believe me. I told her you left to the airport. I see… Yes, thank you. Well, I’ll be going now. – Good luck.
– Thank you very much. Once again sorry for the intrusion. – Thank you.
– That was nothing. I’m off… I just wanted to say… What? Can I call you some time? Do you remember my phone number? 14-50-30. Call me. – Happy New Year!
– Thank you. – Happy New Year to you too.
– Thank you. Well… I’m off. But how will you get to the airport? – Buses don’t run yet.
– I’ll get there somehow. Go then. Go. What are you doing? I’m leaving. You’re looking for a pretext to stay. Yes, I am. But I can’t find one. And I can’t find
a pretext to delay you. – What shall we do?
– Really? Then I’ll take off my coat
and stay for awhile. Sit down please. – Here, let me take it.
– No, no, it’s all right. – Want some herring?
– No, no, thank you. Maybe Champagne? I would like to sing for you. Please do. Because the pause is too long? Perhaps. I don’t sing very well,
but I like to sing. “If you don’t have an aunt”. Performed by… Let it be
“The aria of the Moscow visitor”. If you don’t have a house, It can not be destroyed by a Fire, And your wife will not leave
you for another, If you don’t, if you don’t
If you don’t have a wife, If you don’t have a wife. If you don’t have a dog, It won’t be poisoned
by your neighbour. You will never get into a fight
with your friend, If you don’t, if you don’t,
if you don’t have a friend, If you don’t have a friend. The orchestra is playing bass, The trumpet-player
is blowing his brass, Think for yourself,
decide for yourself: to have or not to have. If you don’t have an aunt, You won’t lose her, And if you don’t live, You won’t die, You won’t die, You won’t die. The orchestra is playing bass, The trumpet-player blows his brass. Think for yourself,
decide for yourself: to have or not to have. To have or not to have. That’s all. A philosophical song. I took the guitar with
a certain idea in mind. Now you as a hospitable hostess
have to sing for me. But you said you didn’t like
my singing. I like it. I lied. I lie. All the time? Almost. A beautiful photograph. I like it too. Even though
it was made almost 10 years ago. Ten years? You haven’t changed a bit. You’re lying again? Well, almost. – Where do you work?
– At an outpatients clinic. I receive patients. Sometimes up to 30 a day. Do you ever get tired? Of course. But they’re in pain,
and they need help. All right, I will sing for you. Even though you didn’t deserve it. Thank you so much. I like it that you’re head over heels
in love with someone else, I like it that I’m head over
heels in love with someone else, And that the heavy globe of the
Earth will never Slide from under our feet. I like it that I can be funny And loose,
And not play with words, And not blush
with a suffocating wave When slightly brushing
sleeves with you. I thank you
from the bottom of my heart For loving me so,
without knowing it. For my quiet nights, For the scarcity of our encounters
in the hours of dawn, For the moon and the sun
not shining above our heads, For you being in love, alas,
with someone else, For me being in love, alas,
with someone else, alas, Nadya… I want to ask you something… A want to ask you a favor.
You may find it too daring… But what is it? You… won’t be mad at me? I’ll try. And you won’t send me away? Well, if I haven’t done it so far… – You want me to sing another song?
– No. May I take out Ippolit’s photograph and tear it to pieces? No, you may not. Are you really
very unhappy that he left? – Why do you need to know that?
– I have my reasons.. Yes, I am unhappy. Are you sure? How old are you? 32? – Thirty three?
– Thirty four. Thirty four? And still no family. No luck. That happens. And suddenly there comes He. All positive… Serious and reliable. Handsome. Next to him you feel comfortable. Protected. As though behind a thick stone wall. He’s well off, and your friends
are giving their piece of advice: “Don’t let him get away!” You can be cruel. I’m sorry. I’m a surgeon, there are times
when I have to cause people pain, so that later on they would
be happy. Do you ever feel sorry
for your patients? Of course I do. Yes… Sometimes I feel sorry
for myself too. I come home,.. sit in the armchair
and start feeling sorry for myself. But that doesn’t happen so often. Have you ever been married? I was. Half-married. How’s that? By what half? That happens…
We met twice a week. That went on for ten years. And on weekends I was alone. Since that time
I don’t like weekends. And I don’t like holidays. He was married? He still is. Do you still love him? No. No. Let’s go have some coffee. You know,
I was never popular with women. It started at school.
No, honestly. There was this girl, Ira.
She was nothing special. And as they say,
I had a crush on her. And she didn’t even notice me. Then after we graduated,
she married Pavel. The one you went
to the bathhouse with? And instead of whom
you flew to Leningrad? Yes. They got married
and invited me to their wedding. I was very upset,
and I proposed a toast: “Ira, I wish you to leave Pavel
and come to live with me” They threw me out, of course. – And now you are friends?
– We’ve been friends all our life. It’s not his fault
that she preferred him. He was going to fly to Leningrad to see in the New Year with her. Poor Ira, another victim
of the situation. Why “another”? I don’t consider myself a victim. I’ll go make some coffee,
and I’ll do it with pleasure. Why you? Because you sing beautifully,
but you can’t cook. This is no fish in aspic,
it tastes more like strychnine. – But you said you liked it.
– I was just toadying. – You’re not too polite.
– That’s true. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.
I’ve become so impudent. All my life everyone
thought of me as bashful. Everyone takes advantage of me.
My friends call me “softy”. They just wanted to flatter you. No. I was of the same
opinion of myself You were being overly modest. And now I feel… I’m becoming a different man. – More impertinent?
– No, bold. – More unmannerly?
– Firm. – More impudent?
– Wrong again. I feel that… I can do anything. as if some power inside me was asleep, and now it’s awakening. Maybe it is because I met you? Thanks to you? Do you realize what you’re saying? That I made a boor out of you. It is unheard of! No one ever called me a boor. Nadya, I’m happy. How can one be so obtrusive! I don’t know what I’ll do to him! Don’t… I’ll open it. – Nadya, what happened?
– You had a fight? Was he rude to you, dear? Did he hurt you? And he produced
such a good impression at first! Look at us, the old fools!
We swallowed his act. – He’s married!
– He has a child? I’ll explain everything. What is this?
Who asked you to barge in here? Go home, both of you! Are you crazy? She asked us to come. – Nadya, let’s go to my place.
– Give me the coat. Give back the coat! It’s not yours! – She’s not going anywhere!
– What a tone of voice! – A normal tone.
– Why are you bossing around here? Because I am Ippolit. – What are you laughing at?
– You liar! Girls, don’t believe her. – For the last time…
– Don’t believe her. – Go ahead, amuse yourself.
– He is not Ippolit. He is a perfect stranger. You don’t believe she would
spend a night with a stranger? – I come home…
– Tell them about the bathhouse. – And see this…
– In your own bed! – That’s the interesting part.
– I think, we’d better go. – Zhenya, stop this farce!
– What Zhenya? Where is he? You brought Zhenya with you?!
I call a divorce! – That’s enough!
– Quiet, quiet! You’ll beet him up after we leave.
Go on. He won’t get away with this! Girls, let’s have a drink. It’s the New Year after all. A toast to friendship! Yes, let’s drink to friendship. This woman dragged me
along the floor all night. Dear Nadya and Ippolit! – He is not Ippolit.
– Come on! Stop it. It’s not funny any more! – Here.
– I won’t drink! I wish you never ever
to fight in the new year. We won’t. – Girls, I’m leaving with you.
– I’ve had enough! Calm down, Ippolit. Why aren’t you asking us to kiss? Give her a kiss! Give her a kiss! I don’t want to kiss this man! It’s not polite.
Why do you act stubborn? The people are waiting! Where are Tanya and Valya? You have very good friends. – When have you become so familiar?
– Long ago. Haven’t you noticed? No peace in this house!.. People barging in all the time! I swear I’ll kill whoever it is! Do the Sinitsyns live here? What is your surname? Sheveleva. – We’re the Shevelevs!
– Wrong address again! – What is your surname?
– Lukashin. – And the patronymic?
– Mikhailovich. Yevgeny Mikhailovich Lukashin. Nice to meet you. – Where are you calling?
– The airport. I want to ask when is
the second flight to Moscow. You decided to postpone your trip? I don’t want to leave. Hello! Operator,
when is the second flight to Moscow? I see. And the third? So soon? And the fourth? God dammit!
They leave every half an hour. I don’t understand,
why I have to leave. What are you talking about? I’m coming out
to work only on the 2nd. We can walk around the city, go to the Hermitage,
and in the evening I’ll leave for Moscow. By train. You are being impudent again. I didn’t invite you to stay. What’s the problem?
Invite me. What for? I have a feeling
there’s three of us here. Don’t touch him!. I won’t do anything to him,
just put him away between books. All right, let him eavesdrop.
But let him look the other way. I prefer not to see him. Leave him alone! You stand up for him
as if you cherished the memory of him. That’s none of your business. “To my beloved Nadya”? Well! That is too much! – What are you doing?
– Let him go get some fresh air! It’s good for his health. – Go get Ippolit.
– Won’t even think of doing it. – I repeat.
– You don’t have to! – You’ll take the first flight.
– I will do just that! – Fly away!
– I will! I’ll fly away! Only I’ll shave at first. Shave with this shaver!
And then I’ll fly away. On an airplane… This is not a hairdressing parlor. Don’t touch me! I’m unshaved. I have to look neat
when I meet my fiancee. I’ve forgotten
that you had a fiancee. Go open the door! It must be Ippolit.
It’s been a while! So now he’s shaving
with my electric razor! I hope this time he left for good. Good riddance! How come he keeps
his razor at your place? You were going to your fiancee?
Well, good luck! – This shaver belongs to my fiance.
– Your ex-fiance. Ippolit is no longer here.
Vanished, gone for good. Do you see him? Ippolit!
He’s nowhere around! If he shows up again,
I’ll throw him down the stairwell! Upside down. What right have you got
to talk like that? How come you interfere in my life? You have to go to the airport. My train is leaving late
in the evening. Well!.. That’s enough! I’m hungry, and I’m thirsty. I want to get some rest. I’m tired. – “A foggy morning”…
– Then I’ll leave! Good riddance!
“A foggy morning”… “Good riddance”… – I’ll bring a policeman.
– I don’t care if it’s a squad. “I don’t care if its a firing squad “Or a police detachment!”… Give me my coat. Me? With pleasure! There you go. – Not too tight?
– Zip them. – What?
– Zip my boots for me. With pleasure! Thank you for the honor. What is it? Hold on, patient. Now the other one. I dreamed of this all my adult life. Don’t think of cleaning out the
apartment. I know your address. Let go of me. Taxi! Next time go to a cab stop. All right, where to? – I haven’t the slightest idea.
– Get out! I think I have an idea. To the Moscow railway station. You free? “Let’s fill our glasses to the brim!” “They lie, who…” Who are you? And who are you? I think I know… – I’m sorry…
– Don’t come any closer, or I’ll scream. I will explain everything. – Don’t move!
– I’m not moving. Don’t be afraid of me. What did you break
into our house for? I’ll try to explain. Me and my friends
have this tradition. In Moscow every year on
December 31 we go to a bathhouse. Come on! Turn out your pockets! I only stole 15 Rubles. Not too much.
Put the money on the table. Where are you? Where have you vanished? I got you! One ticket to Moscow. I asked the ash-tree: Where is my loved one? The ash-tree didn’t answer me, It just shook its head. I asked the poplar: Where is my loved one? The poplar threw its autumn leaves All over me. I asked autumn: Where is my loved one? Autumn answered With a pouring rain. I asked the rain: Where is my loved one? The rain shed its tears Outside my window. I asked the half-moon: Where is my loved one? The half-moon hid behind a
cloud And didn’t answer me.. I asked the cloud: Where is my loved one? The cloud disappeared In the blue of the sky. My only true friend, Where is my loved one? Tell me where she went. Do you know where she is? My only friend, My only true friend answered me: She who was your loved one, She who was your loved one, She who was your loved one, Is now my wife. I asked the ash-tree… I asked autumn… I asked the poplar… Mother!
Why are you sitting in the hall? I’m guarding a thief,
and he entertains me with his songs. The thief is me. Happy New Year, Nadya. Mother, let’s set him free. You’re cold? No, I took a taxi. Where is it you went by taxi? I bought you a ticket
on the morning train. You bought me a ticket? Thank you. I’m much obliged. The lower berth! I don’t know how to thank you! Now I won’t have to stand in line. Thank you. Thank you. Even though
I don’t have a very big salary… I think I’ll go to Lyuba’s
to continue to celebrate. Thank you, you’re a terrific mother. Nadya, I hope when I return there won’t be another stranger here. Don’t worry, I’ll see to that. Remember, I promised you I would return
with the photograph of Ippolit? – Oh, how terrible!
– You’re an adventurer! – What a pity!
– You’re an insolent man! Jesus, what small pieces! – You’re a shameless boor!
– Of course. – A gangster!
– Of course. – A barbarian!
– Of course. – An alcoholic.
– Of course. – A lump.
– Yes, yes. You know who you are?.. Let’s not open it. We’re not in. Whoever it is,
let’s not open the door. Strange people. If we don’t open,
that means we’re not in. And if we’re in but we don’t open it, that means we don’t want
to see anyone. How tactless! How unmannered! That’s too much! We won’t open to spite them. Hold on, Nadya. Have they lost their mind? Be brave. We will have to open. Or they’ll break down the door. All right, then I’ll open it. Zhenya! Control yourself! Guys! It’s me breaking down
your door. I’ve come… to wish you a Happy New Year. Please accept… Well, you know. I’m hungry as hell! That’s the first time
I see you in such a state! It is the first time
I am in such a state. That’s the first time
I see myself in such a state. “Outside a young fellow
got chilled to the marrow”. Thin soles. He knows. He knows everything. But I met these kind people! They gave me shelter,
they mugged me and confronted me… I mean, they hugged me
and comforted me… Life is an amazing thing. It’s so full of surprises. Excuse me… And that is absolutely wonderful! Can there be a programmed, projected and planned happiness? My god! We live such boring lives! We lost the spirit of adventurism! We no longer climb through
windows to see our loved ones, we are afraid
of doing sweet stupid things. It’s awful!
Your fish in aspic tastes positively awful! Next year on New Year’s eve
I will go to a bathhouse. Why wait a whole year? That’s right. Good idea! How true! Let me through. Thank you. I think he opened the taps. What for? Are you out of your mind?!
Stop it! Won’t even think of it! Do you understand what you’re doing? Don’t touch me! Ippolit, you’ll ruin your coat. Nadya, don’t niggle! I beg you to get out of there! Would you at least take off your hat. I feel comfortable as it is.
And you shut up! There’s warm water! On New Year’s Eve
a man goes to a bathhouse. This characterizes
him very positively. There he gets drunk,
celebrating his engagement. Another positive characteristic. Then he is loaded
on an airplane like a wooden log, and he gets to another city. Would you scrub my back, please. Is it that difficult? Well, as you wish. What can I do? In that city he meets another woman. He forgets about
his Moscow fiancee, naturally, and settles for this new one
in Leningrad. All because he is a man
of high moral standards. Please, stop it. You take that as an offense? Don’t be offended. It is the truth. One can’t be offended at the truth,
even if it’s the bitter truth. Nadya, in such a short time one
can destroy the past, but one can’t build a future. It is impossible. The New Year’s night
is coming to an end. It will be sobering up and emptiness. The most important thing
is that you both know I’m right. I’m sorry. Where are you going?
You’ll catch cold! Leave me alone. Please don’t go! Stay! It’s freezing cold outside! Maybe I want to… catch cold and die. My god, I am tired! What a mad night. If he comes back… he will set the house on fire. To be honest… I really like him. He just said
what we didn’t dare to say to each other. You’re crazy. Come to your senses. That’s exactly
what is happening to me now. They’re going to bed at Luyba’s
and it’s cold at the landing. Did you pour water over Ippolit? He was soaking wet. He’s wet with tears. You hurt such a good man! Well… You have to go. But planes leave every half an hour. Half an hour won’t save anything. It is absurd. It is foolish. We won’t forgive ourselves
afterwards. One needs to learn
to restrain one’s feelings. What for? Don’t you think we restrain
ourselves too often? You must agree, Ippolit is right. We have slightly gone mad. The New Year’s night is over. Everything sets back in its place. I want to ask the mirror With the cloudy misty dreams, I want to make it tell me, Where you are heading and
Where will you find shelter. I see The mast of a tall ship, And you standing on the deck. And in the steam of the train
I see fields, Wrapped in the dusky sadness, The evening fields in dew, Ravens circling over them, I bless you, I bless you, I bless you To go wherever you want. I bless you, I bless you, I bless you To go wherever you want. It’s morning already. I have a feeling, that in one night
we lived a whole life. Get the ticket. I think you can still find it. No, I won’t go by train. To jolt about for 7 hours. Please… Remember me. You too. Go, Zhenya, go. May I kiss you good-bye? No, please don’t. Please don’t, have mercy
on me. Let’s sit for the road. I stole your photograph. I’m pleased
that you will have my photo. And if planes won’t leave
due to bad weather, can I stay? No, then take the train. Oh, darling, how painful
and how strange it is, After intertwining our roots
And branches, How painful and how strange It is To be sawed in two. The heart wound will never mend, The pain will pour out
in pure tear drops, The heart wound will never mend, The pain will pour out
in fiery pitch. I’ll be with you for as long as live, Soul and blood are inseparable. I’ll be with you for as long as live. Love and death always
go hand in hand. My beloved,
you will carry wih you, You will carry with you
everywhere you go, You will carry with you
everywhere you go Your native land
and your home place. What if I’ll have nothing to
cover myself from incurable pity And from the cold and darkness
of the night? There will be reunions after parting.
Remember me, beloved. There will be reunions after parting, We will return, you and me. What if I vanish into eternity,
A flash of daylight in the dark? What if I sink into oblivion, Disappear behind the stars
and dust clouds? I will pray that you would
find the way back to Earth. I will pray that you would
come home safe and sound Jolting in the carriage
filled with cigarette smoke, He felt homeless and humble, Jolting in the carriage,
he was half-crying, half-sleping, When on a slippery slope The train curved
with a horrible list, When on a slippery slope The train tore its wheels
away from the rails, And a superhuman force, Crushing everyone
and everything in one squeeze, A superhuman force Shook everything living off
the face of the Earth, And no one was saved by the
promised reunion, And no one was protected by the hand,
stretched out far away. Don’t part with your loved ones, Don’t part with your loved ones, Don’t part with your loved ones, Sprout in them with your blood. And every time say good-bye forever, Every time say good-bye forever, Every time say good-bye forever, When you’re parting for an instant. Would you care to explain
what happened? I didn’t know what to think!
I was so worried! Where were you? Tell me what happened.
Where is Galya? I went to Leningrad. Where? Leinigrad. I’m sorry,
but I’m terribly tired and I want to sleep. You ran away to Leningrad again? Mother, you know that every year on December 31
my friends and I go to a bathhouse. We take a bath. There we had a drink. And strictly by accident,
without any ill intent I was sent to Leningrad
instead of Pavel. What do you mean, sent? What are you –
a package or a suitcase? Mother, please. My head is splitting. Didn’t you realize what was going on? Not a thing. You’ve become so undisciplined!
What a disgrace! You have to get married.
There will be someone to organize you. It won’t be easy
to make peace with Galya. But I’ll go to her place
and bring her here. Please don’t do that! You no longer want to marry Galya? I met another woman. – Where?
– In Leningrad. – When?
– Tonight. Oh, my God! And this is why
you want to part with Galya? Yes. Mother, what is it? – Mother, what’s with you?
– Wait. You feel better now? You are a womanizer.
A hopeless womanizer. No, mother, I’m a miserable man. Why am I so unlucky? To think of it,
I don’t have to marry at all. What for? I don’t have to. No one will take care of me
better than you do. You sly-boots! Just imagine, a strange woman
walking around the apartment. Who knows if you’ll even
like one another. What if you don’t? I will become irritated. No, that’s it. The hell with it! Let everything stay the way it was. My poor child! Lie down. Lie down,
everything’s going to be fine. Lie down, get some sleep. What’s her name? She has the most beautiful name. Nadya. And what’s important,
an uncommon one. Nadya. You left your birch switch. How did you find me? You are a hopeless dimwit. My god, not again! I hope it is not Ippolit. Hello!
Happy New Year! Happy New Year! Wish you all the best! Where is he? Wake him up. Hello. How could I have made such a
blunder? I never ever get drunk. I’m happy to see,
that you, Zhenya, and… Galya. That we are your friends
and Galya has forgiven you. Zhenya, quit kissing around. We can’t. We’ve missed
each other so much. I don’t care if they kiss. Do you?
Do you feel uneasy? Not me. Zhenya, we are happy
that Galya has forgiven you. We are happy,
that you and Galya have reunited. Mother! My Nadya has come. You think I am light-headed? We shall wait and see. – Do you understand what’s going on?
– Are you asking me? I have a feeling this is not Galya. Well say something.
You’re the most quick-witted of all. I can say for sure
that one of them is Zhenya. Friends! I am grateful to you
for changing my life. I am grateful that fate
lead me to Leningrad. And that in Leningrad
there is a street of the same name, a house just like mine
and an apartment just like mine. Otherwise I would never be happy. We would never be happy. We would never be happy. I asked the ash-tree: Where is my loved one? Cast: Andrei MYAGKOV Barbara BRYLSKA Yuri YAKOVLEV Luybov DOBRZHANSKAYA
Olga NAUMENKO Lia AKHEDZHAKOVA
Valentina TALYZINA Alexander SHIRVINDT Georgy BURKOV Alexander BELYAVSKY Lyubov SOKOLOVA
Gotlib RONINSON Screenplay: Emil BRAGINSKY
Eldar RYAZANOV Director:
Eldar RYAZANOV D.O.P.:
Vladimir NAKHABTSEV Production designer:
Alexander BORISOV Music by
Mikhael TARIVERDIEV Songs written to poems by: Marina TSVETAEVA
Boris PASTERNAK Bella AKHMADULINA
Vladimir KIRSHON Yevgeny YEVTUSHENKO
Mikhail LVOVSKY Alexander ARONOV Poem by
Alexander KOCHETKOV

 

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