Booking With A Budget Airline

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phone rings Aoife! Aoife! The phone’s ringing again. Aoife! The phone’s ringing again. Hello Colinair. How may I help you today? Ah, hello, yes I’d like to book a couple of flights please. Let me put you on hold. Hello Colinair booking – how may I help you today? I’ve been on hold
for nearly an hour. Are you the same person who answered before? No, sir. How may I help? Right, um, can I book a couple of flights from London Gatwick to
Amsterdam please? Colinair operates an online booking system only, sir. Well then why have you got a phone number? I’m not sure. Would you like to buy a scratchcard? You could be in with a chance of winning a hundred thousand Euro. No thank you. Right, so. Gatwick to Amsterdam. That’s €53 return. Will you be checking
in a suitcase? No thank you. Or for €49 you can take on a cabin bag no larger than 20cm by 25cm by 4cm divided by the current value of Pi. No, I don’t think I need that. Okay then I’ll
be applying the no-bag priority check in charge of €15. The what?! Yes. The offer is – €15 each way for all our customers who don’t need a bag
– and you get free priority boarding. What if I don’t want priority boarding? It’s a special
Colinair offer – free priority boarding with our no bag. It’s our most popular offer. How is it priority boarding if EVERYBODY’S IN THE PRIORITY QUEUE? Will you be wanting
a sit down seat? Yes. Okay – sit down seat charge €5. Will you want to breathe our premium Oxygen rich air – or the standard oxygen-free, non-pressurised
mix? Erm, Oxygen please? And will you be bringing legs? Yes. Ok, €12 so. Will you be wanting the toilet on board? Well I shouldn’t think so, it’s only a short flight. It is sixteen hours from London to
Amsterdam, sir – but okay, toilet opt-out charge €3. What? Would you like a scratchcard? You could stand a chance of winning a hundred thous– No! But did you say sixteen hours from London to Amsterdam? Yes, we do like to play it safe. We don’t have a 98% on-time record for nothing! fanfare plays What’s that Aoife? Another on-time flight? Leeds to Dublin in under eight hours? Oh we are good! Now, where were we… London to Amsterdam Hull Airport. Amsterdam Hull? Yeah, Hull, just outside Amsterdam
– we get you a little boat to the airport terminal – very convenient – and only €130. Do I get a choice?! You get a choice of scratchcard! I don’t want a scratchcard! And will you want insurance, sir, for when
we cancel your flight? When you cancel the… IF! Sorry, I mean if the flight is cancelled because of unforeseen circumstances such as
volcanic eruption, the French going on strike – or we can’t find the pilot. Um… So in total – the flights are €53 return
– and with your optional extras that brings it to €681 plus tax. 681 Euros?! Plus tax. I can’t afford that… All the more reason to buy a scratchcard,
sir!

 

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