This video presented by the latest RT documentary: World’s Greatest Head Massage
An ASMR Journey Part 1 available now for RT First members Part 2 premiers July 15 Start your free 30 day trial at *Insert spoopy music here* *wolf howling* David: The thing drew closer, With its inhuman breathing, and claws clicking against the floor with each step… Desperately, The young boy pulled the sheet off the creature to reveal… THE DOG THAT GOT TANGLED UP IN HIS LAUNDRY! Booooo! And THAT’S why you should always Properly fold and put away your laundry. Well, uh, it was scary when it happened to me. I was VERY innocent and impressionable back then! …So, last week? What’s scary is how much I want to kill myself right now. Okay, okay, I got this. So once, there was this girl, that no one really understood- So help me if this involves vampire romance. I-it could’ve been werewolves. You dunno! Here’s a horror story, Go look at the job market you’re dealing with After this camp shuts down. …So nothing scares you, Max?
*Nikki eating loudly* Not even ghosts? People in sheets got me concerned, But nah, not even ghosts. Just not a screamer. What about space ghosts-eh… oh-that’s strange Uhh, mission control, I don’t feel so good. *gurgling noises* *Screams* *Screams* *Growls* Wait a minute! How is it that you weren’t even fazed by THAT? Might’ve help if I hadn’t put it in his suit to begin with. Alright, tough guy, So you think you’re so-
*Moaning and wailing* Tough? Wh-what do you think about that moaning and wailing? Pssh, it’s just teenagers from that church camp working on those repressions again. Not that I know anything about it, Just being a kid and all. AHHHH, what about that ghost ship? *Whoosh-more moaning and wailing* *General screaming and distress* Pirate camp’s practicing night sailing. Arrr… mateys! *Scary rustling in the underbrush* Uh, guuuuuuys? GUYS! Please be puppy (x4) What the blue ball blazes is happenin’ here? *general screaming and distress* OOOOOOOOOOOHH!!! There’s a place I know that’s tucked away, A place where you and I can stay, Where we can go to laugh and play, And have adventures every day! I know it sounds hard to believe, but guys and gals, it’s true! Camp Campbell is the place for me and you! We’ll swim through lakes and climb up trees, Catch fish, bugs, bears, and honeybees! There’s endless possibilities, AND NO, THAT’S NOT HYPERBOLE! Our motto’s “Campe Diem,” and that means I’m telling yoooooouuuu…. We’ve got: Archery, Hiking, Search-and-Rescue, Biking, Horseback-riding, Training that will save you from a heart-attack, Scuba-diving, Miming, Football, Limbo, Science, Stunting, Pre-calc, Spaceships, Treasure Hunting, Bomb defusal, No refusal, Fantasy, Circus Trapeze, and Fights and Ghosts and Paints and Snakes and Knives and Chess and Dance and Weights! It’s Camp Camp! Oh! Whew! Hey, Quartermaster. Someun’ out here killin’ campers? We’re fine, QM. We’re just having some good old campfire scary stories is all. So… no dead campers then? Nope! We’re good! …Damn
*Blink* And to be sure; no one’s doin’ anything stupid, Like trying to get over to SPOOKY ISLAND *Dramatic sting and thunder* What? No, of course not! Not even on the night of the new moon, right? When ghosts walk the island, an’ demons rise from the pit, an’ aliens kidnap any trespassers an’ probe their tender- Ohohoho, okay… We get it, don’t we, kids? …Anuses. …I was gonna say “Anuses.” …What’s with space case? Squirrel-splosion. Ah. So the revolution has begun. Well, best be gittin’ you back to the camp for a rabies shot. Aww, not again… Heed my words: You better stay away from Spooky Island, no reason to go there, definitely not spooky, stay awaaaayyy…. …You think he’s hiding something? Uh, YES? *Gasp!* Maybe it was the ghost he was talking about! Could you IMAGINE meeting one!? Pssh, ghosts don’t exist. You die, and then you’re faced with eternal nothingness. It’s gonna be great. HOW DO YOU KNOW? YOU’VE NEVER DIED! Ooh, could you imagine being the first person to find a ghost?! *Gasp!* Or a MONSTER?! You’d make the cover of Science Magazine! Hey! That’s a magazine about Science! SHUT UP! There’s nothing to be afraid of! And I’ll prove it. *Ominous Music* Alright, Spook-hunters! Let’s hunt some Spooks! Don’t say that… Do we actually have a detective team name now? Ooh! We need a theme song! *Plays a spooky theme on the pocket theremin* *WHAM* *clunk* HEY! Do you know how hard it is to find a good pocket theremin?! I’m counting on it. Now focus! Unless that’s your backup singer, we’ve already got company. *Screaming* *More Screaming* Who the hell are you? Me? I’m Jasper. …But who are you? What are you doing here? This is the last place you want to be on a night like this… …Real spooky night. Terrible creatures seek out the mansion, And the wailing… Oh, gosh… the wailing… And then the bumping in the night starts, And they bump, and they bump, and… …Hey, where’d you go? *Muack.* *Spooky Organ music plays* Whoa… …What is this place? Looks like Campbell’s old summer home. *Moaning and wailing* What the hell was THAT?! I told you, dude! There are THINGS inside… THINGS!?! Like monsters?! I knew it! Wait, are you guys here to help stop the monsters? Are you like a gang of mystery solvers? Like the Harlem Globetrotters?! …Pretty much. Oh wow, you guys got a theme song? We’re working on it. Radical. Look, man, you’re kinda ruining our dynamic. We’re a comedy TRIO. Besides, there’s nothing inside. THERE’S SOMETHING INSIDE! *Spookiness and thunder* A MONSTER!!! Yawn. We’ll see who’s yawning when we’re all DEAD! Why would we…? *Wham*
ALRIGHT, SASQUATCH! LET’S TANGO! *Growl* *THUNDER!* *Neil and Jasper scream* Calm down, the storm just tripped the power. Aww… If only I had my L.A. gear light-up shoes… “They light up the night!” Wonderful… *Screaming* It’s a stuffed bear! Oh… *Screaming* It’s a SECOND stuffed bear! Oh… That seems redundant. Yeah, and I think endangered… Let’s just get the power back on… Right! We shall not waver on our quest for the undead! Nikki, there is NOTHING HERE. Hmm…. *Neil screaming again.* NEIL! The hell’d you do?! Don’t have a cow, man! I’m just trying to be part of the gang… Neil:>Oh my god, you have to get in here quick!