Key & Peele – Al Qaeda Meeting

, , 57 Comments


– BROTHERS.
BROTHERS, LET US BEGIN. I HAVE CONVENED THIS MEETING
TO FIND OUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING. WHY HAVE WE NOT TAKEN A PLANE
IN 13 YEARS? – KHALIV.
YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. IT IS ALL BECAUSE THE CUNNING
AND MIGHTY TSA IS ALWAYS ONE STEP AHEAD OF US. – I DO NOT BELIEVE IT!
– IT’S TRUE. LAST MONTH,
I ATTEMPTED TO TAKE DOWN A PLANE WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS
FIVE INCHES LONG. – THAT SOUNDS
LIKE A PERFECT PLAN. WHY DID IT NOT WORK? – BECAUSE THE SHREWD TSA, THEY MADE RESTRICTIONS SO YOU CAN ONLY
TAKE A FOUR-INCH SCISSORS. FOUR INCHES.
– WHAT? – YEAH. – HOW COULD THEY KNOW
THAT A FIVE-INCH BLADE IS A DANGEROUS WEAPON
AND A FOUR-INCH BLADE IS NO MORE
THAN A CHILD’S PLAY THING? – THAT IS THE GENIUS OF TSA. THEY FOIL US AT EVERY TURN. – DEVILS! – YOU KNOW, IT’S THE SAME WAY
WITH THE LIQUID. – OH, YEAH. – WE ALL KNOW
HOW MUCH DEVASTATION WE CAN WREAK WITH 3.5 OUNCES
OF LIQUID. – THE–THE DAMAGE
IS INCALCULABLE. – THE CRAFTY TSA, THEY HAVE LIMITED PASSENGERS
TO ONLY 3.4 OUNCES. – DAMN IT! – YEAH. – DO NONE OF YOU
HAVE THE SOLUTION HOW– FOR US TO THWART THIS TSA? – KHALIV, KHALIV. IT’S LIKE YOU’VE BEEN
LIVING IN A–WELL, HERE. LOOK…THE TSA,
THEY STRIKE FEAR INTO MY HEART WITH THEIR POLYESTER SHIRTS AND THEIR DISPOSABLE RUBBER
GLOVES. AND THE–AND THE–
THE SNEAKER SHOES! – THEY ARE SO CLEVER. – CLEVER.
– YES. THEY–THEY ACT AS IF THEY ARE
LISTLESS, OVERWEIGHT EMPLOYEES WHO DON’T GIVE A FUCK. WHEN IN REALITY, THEY ARE AN ELITE FORCE
OF ANTI-TERRORIST COMMANDOS! – OH, CURSE THE BRILLIANT TSA. – IF I MAY. I BELIEVE I HAVE A WAY
TO TRIUMPH OVER THE WILY TSA. – FINALLY.
– OKAY. – LET’S GIVE HIM A SHOT. – I HAVE A PLAN
TO PUT A BOMB IN A LAPTOP, AND IT WILL DETONATE
ONCE YOU PULL IT FROM ITS CASE. – YES!
YES, IT IS PERFECT! PLANES WILL RAIN DOWN
FROM THE SKY ONTO THE INFIDELS! [all chanting and singing] WHAT?
PARVEZ, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT? – S–S–SNEAK IN HERE
FOR A SECOND, ‘CAUSE I DON’T– I DON’T WANT TO BE THE BEARER
OF BAD NEWS HERE– – THEN DON’T BE!
– YET YOU ARE. – IT’S AS IF THE PROPHETIC
AND ALL-KNOWING TSA HAS PREDICTED YOUR PLAN. THEY MAKE YOU TAKE THE LAPTOP
OUT OF THE CARRYING CASE AND PUT IT IN A SEPARATE BIN
BEFORE YOU GET ON THE PLANE. – COME ON,
YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, PARVEZ? ‘CAUSE IT’S NOT A FUNNY JOKE
IF IT’S A JOKE. – IT’S NO TIME FOR KIDDING.
I WOULDN’T KID. – OH, MY GOD.
– NO. – I CANNOT BELIEVE
THESE MOTHERS OF DEVILS. – YEAH. – WELL, VERY WELL, THEN. SINCE YOU HAVE ALL FAILED, I WILL TELL YOU HOW WE
WILL DESTROY THE NONBELIEVERS. I HAVE DEVELOPED
THE SMALLEST BOMB POSSIBLE. AND IT FITS PERFECTLY INTO THIS, A FULL-SIZED TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE. YES!
IT’S REALLY GREAT, ISN’T IT? I MEAN, IT’S THE–
– DON’T DO HIM LIKE THAT. – WHAT’S GOING ON OVER HERE? WHAT’S THE SITUATION OVER HERE? – OKAY. IS THERE A VERSION
OF THE TOOTHPASTE BOMB THAT COMES IN TRAVEL-SIZE? – YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT’S LIKE THEY’RE IN OUR HEADS.

 

57 Responses

  1. Mr Wolf

    November 30, 2019 3:09 pm

    Taliban vs the world hahahah criticise everything while not believing it,after they search it roots and mind boggling devilish causes,(Islam vs Isreal).

    Reply
  2. Sean Naamani

    December 3, 2019 3:14 am

    I want to work for the TSA or the DMV. It's like a license to be a dick all day everyday (especially the DMV).

    Reply
  3. Philly Sports!

    December 4, 2019 11:32 pm

    There's a video of people doing improv comedy and a white man jokes that the other guy on stage with a terrorist and he flipped the hell out and everybody y in the crowd flipped out for daring to say such but these guys can do this with no outrage not that I'm saying there should be outrage just that white people should be able to do other cultures also without being called racist

    Reply
  4. Laleamfakzual chhangte

    December 6, 2019 4:14 am

    the looks on their faces when they saw the tooth paste lol and the scissor plan to take down a plane was damn funny, i watch it over and over again!! hahaaaa

    Reply
  5. Aygent Fortea Saven

    December 6, 2019 1:50 pm

    In the beginning it says in arabic โ€žand my family is in a showโ€œ ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    Reply
  6. J0nXTran

    December 9, 2019 8:20 pm

    โ€œIt looks like you are living under a…โ€ look at surrounding โ€œhereโ€ ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    Reply
  7. Siddharth Rajvanshi

    December 11, 2019 9:36 am

    A terrorist welcoming other terrorists by joining two hands together. This type of greeting happens to come from Hinduism, the most peaceful religion in the world. Why donโ€™t you show a terrorist wearing a cross and saying โ€˜may the lord bless you.โ€™

    Reply
  8. ๐Ÿ‘ฝ

    December 12, 2019 2:39 pm

    Great job just like your government created al Qarda to threaten the shit out of American people The only way to get your support threat and threat and more threat.
    People are afraid of their shade now
    Fucked up sick dirty nasty filthy game.
    Pure evil job.

    Reply
  9. Michael Wall

    December 13, 2019 3:20 am

    This is hilarious but it is also a very cutting piece of satire. The TSA was never about terrorism. The "War on Terror" was/is about controlling Americans

    Reply
  10. Daniel Mejia

    December 19, 2019 7:57 pm

    Imagine all the people that search โ€œal qaeda meetingโ€ for work or whatever and this pops up in the Middle East lmao

    Reply

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