Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2013 Gala – Ronny Chieng

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Dave Hughes: Ronny Chieng!!! Hello everybody! Thanks for coming down. The US film
industry is saying that piracy is costing the US film industry 20 billion
dollars a year. Can you believe that? Piracy is costing the
US film industry 20 billion dollars a year. Like, don’t they know they can download
that shit for free? Who are you paying? *crowd laughs* Obama is the first African-American
president of the United States. Okay, that is factually correct alright.
He’s like an inspirational figure for all minorities everywhere. Me personally, I’m waiting for the first
Chinese President of the United States because think of the message that that
would send to Chinese children everywhere in America if we have the
first Chinese President. You could go up to Chinese children. You can say, hey, listen buddy you don’t
have to be a neurosurgeon. *crowd laughs* Or a dentist or a lawyer or an accountant. Like if you work even harder than you
already work academically, you too can become president. Think of how much that would raise the
prestige level of the Chinese race, right? Because the Chinese race has taken a
beating in the past couple of millennia. *crowd laughs* We used to be on top, we used to be kicking ass. Pioneering human innovation, right? We
didn’t steal intellectual property from anybody! Once upon time we invented stuff, real
stuff. Like Chinese people we invented, we invented paper. Yeah, are you familiar with that product? Maybe you’ve seen it around a couple of
times? Maybe you’ve read about it? *crowd laughs* On itself. That was us, we did that. We
invented paper and we nailed it as well. First time, nailed it. A4. Got the
dimensions right. *crowd laughs* Just happens to fit every photocopier ever made. *crowd laughs* What a coincidence, what a coincidence.
You know Chinese people we invented gunpowder, we invented fireworks. Chinese people we invented chopsticks,
right, we invented chopsticks because forks are too easy!! I don’t know about you but I enjoy a
challenge when I’m doing a daily activity that’s required for my survival. *crowd laughs* What is that a spoon? Get that sh*t away from me, you pussy. *crowd laughs* I enjoy drinking soup with two sticks. *crowd laughs* Hey listen, you guys have been great,
thanks for listening. *crowd laughs*

 

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